We Need To Talk About The Myth of “Passing” In The Trans Community

Some transgender men and women place so much weight on their perceived visual presentation that it usurps their right to thrive.

Ever since I found my home in the transgender community many years ago, one common myth has persisted: A trans person must “Pass” as their preferred gender in order to be allowed their identity. The value placed on passing has had so much significance placed on it by transgender folks that I have witnessed it contribute to the emotional and psychological downfall of tremendously good people who have been victim to this imposed ideaology that a transgender person cannot “Look” transgender, or possess any characteristics of their birth assigned gender. These men and women suffer indelible consequences; Self hatred, social anxieties, depression, self imposed isolation. Their hyper-focus on “Passing” impedes their ability to identify their own positive qualities and substance of power.

Let’s call “Passing” what it really is: The desire to meet the standard of an external social gaze. The privilege of blending in with the rest of society as a “norm” rather than stand out as an “other.” I am not sure why no one has told these incredible people why standing out is far more powerful than falling into formation to satisfy the often unreasonable definitions of femininity and masculinity as if they have firm definitions… they don’t. I know many women with masculine traits, wide shoulders for example, arms with ample hair, some stand over six feet tall or are mistaken for a man on the telephone because their voice is not received as explicitly female. There are men with small waists, even proud busts that make small-breasted women jealous. Some have soft features or mannerisms that have been classified as traditionally feminine. Cisgender people, even with these vast variations in appearances and mannerisms rarely suffer a blow to their quality of life as a result of not fitting into socially constructed molds of how men and women develop. That fact is, while masculinity and femininity are identifiable characteristics, they are not and never have been exclusive to men or women, transgender or not.

When I moved into my first apartment, my landlord was a 55 year old art teacher. When I first called the number on the “FOR RENT” sign in the window of…