I’m The Other Woman… Again

Your girlfriend called after finding my shared location for our date on your phone.

I met Tayler 10 years ago while performing in a bar. We had this intense chemistry that’s rare. We were young and beautiful and free to taste everything the buffet of life offered. We went out, made out… did a little more. After several months I accepted his friend request on Facebook. That was when I saw it. Engagement photos posted by his former fiancé that she had posted and tagged him in. The engagement pictures were beautiful, featuring prominently their June wedding date on the end of his Hockey Stick- an ode to his profession.

WHAT?

Immediately I investigated, basically becoming the Angela Transbury of internet sleuths. I found her, Kaitlyn, on Twitter. She was 5 months pregnant posting bump pictures to her adoring fitness and health fans. This was the soon-to-be wife of the man I’d been sleeping with. I had no idea, until now, that she existed- and she still doesn’t know I do. Immediately, I was thrown into conflict. Do I tell her? What would the stress do? She was with child after all. What if something happened? I’d never forgive myself. Maybe she knew and didn’t care. But, what if he’s doing this with many people behind her back? Ultimately, I chose to tell him what I’d learned before I blocked him and decided to move forward.

3 years later, he found me online and sent me a DM on Twitter asking to talk. I expected an apology. I got that, and an explanation. “I didn’t love her, I just didn’t know how to tell her.”

“That’s not my baby. She travels for work and cheats on me.”

“We never got married, I called it off.”

I carefully, quietly explained to him how devastated I was to learn these things, and imagine how she might have felt; this vulnerable, heavily pregnant young woman believing all her dreams of the perfect family were manifesting, or so she thought. Tayler was sorry. For 6 months he said he was sorry at least once a week. I refused to see him, but time had passed and the pain had dulled significantly. I understand confusion regarding sexual orientation and gender, and his family had been heavily embedded in the catholic church so he felt incredible pressure to do the “Right” thing- and that was get married, have kids, a house, a little white picket fence and a dog in the yard. I appreciate the ideal concept, even if not necessarily practical.