How I Became A Raccoon Queen During COVID

My climb to supremacy actually began 10 year ago, but during the pandemic lockdowns, things quickly accelerated.

What did you do during your mental breakdown? Well, 11 years ago, I bought a farmhouse in a swamp without ever seeing it. We’re barely five sentences in and already we’re discussing poor judgement and a collapse of mental health, this’ll be a howler. I think everyone is entitled to a breakdown or three. It’s an opportunity to reshape yourself from the ground up in a world constantly shifting and a society growing ever so cumbersome. The strongest tree can still break from a million little breezes, and life is certainly full of those.

I was not just having one of those eras, but was transitioning out of a 10 year-long relationship and into a new, sparkling one with a million little red flags that I ignored and ultimately paid dearly for. We can skip the irrelevant details concerning my masterful poor decision making habits, I only discuss those at dinner parties, but I ended up picking up my life and dropping myself into an ancient farmhouse in the remote swamp.

Except I didn’t know at the time it was actually a swamp. Wetlands sounded so much more refined in the listing. My genius expectation management had led me to conclude it would be like one, long AMSR video on YouTube, and little bluebirds would sew me sundresses while I cascaded through tall wheat fields set aglow with a setting sun. Norman Rockwell could never.